I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
