who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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