thus making me awesome and them whores
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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