do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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