I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need a beard to bite.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize