how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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