i just wanna soil my oats bro
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
