Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
