Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
