Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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