i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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