Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
