how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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