I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
