i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
