You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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