So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
