I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I booty called her while she was in labor.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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