Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize