somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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