Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
