Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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