I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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