They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
