WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize