i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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