4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
