I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
