lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
