I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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