I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
