Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
