i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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