I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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