I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize