Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
