she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
