How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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