I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
