babies were throwing up all over the place
you would pick up someone in the library
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The struggles of a small town man whore
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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