how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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