im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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