i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
