We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
