Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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