I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am available for nakedness
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
