I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize