we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize