I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
