the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
