i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Boobs are out for the taking
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
