I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
