im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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