you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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