Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
