hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
