my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
