Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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