I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
