whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
