when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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