somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize