you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
