I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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