Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
