Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
