so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They have beer where we have blood.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
